Yesterday as I was running some errands I realized something…
Ever since I was a child I was always a flower girl. My mother unfortunately didn’t pass that opportunity to dress me up in colourful dresses, hats and lacy socks. I remember carrying basket after basket with petals that would be thrown as the bride was walking down the aisle.
The bride was a beautiful princess, somewhat like Cinderella. Her dress white, with a flowing veil and sparkly shoes. The only difference is she didn’t run away from her prince charming. Oh what a dreamy sight.
The wedding celebration would go on, as tiny as I was you know the whole wedding shenanigans… Until the day got over, you go home and forget about it until the next wedding.
Fast forward to now…
As an adult I have been to so many weddings too. Don’t forget the bridal showers. Every event in my life seems to revolve around weddings (and babies) of course.
This is what I came to realize.
As I attend these weddings and bridal showers, something always seems to tick. Pressure keeps calling me. It is an internal thing that is so quietly hidden that sometimes I don’t realize it.
My conscious cringes and hides at the thought of hearing about weddings and showers. “Oh. There goes so and so. When will my time come?” Brainy here starts playing games. The thoughts of feeling bad at the same time jealousy start kicking in. It’s like “clock is ticking people we (me, myself and I need to get hitched too”.
Calming down is hard. I don’t know if the single ladies around me will agree but I fight with my conscious all the time. The funny bit is three quarter of my girlfriends have been taken. This is a heart to heart talk. And then when you air out your feelings, there (always) is something to say.
” Maybe you are dating the wrong guys”
“Don’t worry your time will come”.
” Ukishika maua you’ll be next”
“Why are you attending so many of these things? It could be a sign though.”
Let me just laugh out loud because pressure is so real. Funny thing as an adult having attended weddings and being on the bridal party and catching several bouquets, yes we caught them flowers, they say it is to bring luck. Luck? I don’t think so. Maybe it s a sign of something else.
Bottom line is what I came to realize is after the wedding, there is a marriage. And that is what we forget. After people eating and making merry and giving gifts, mnabaki mkiwa wawili.
After the pomp and colour, the shouting and screaming, the dancing and jumping, the cutting of the cake and feeding the mass, you will go back to your house as just the two of you!
What happens behind closed doors we won’t know because only you can solve your issues and come out strong. Only you know each others weaknesses and strengths as you build each other or tear each other. You only know what you want to do with each other.
When advice comes from each and every corner you either take it or leave it because just the two of you are going to build a life together.
When you decided it was him and he decided it was you, and you put a ring on each other’s finger, you knew what you wanted. It is up to you to build that marriage. Forget about the wedding. Build yourselves.
So as of now, yes pressure will be there but I will teach her to slow down, aybe sit in a corner and suck her thumb. If the time comes and it is right, then I will jump ship.
Good luck to all the “brides to be” out there and brides who have taken the time to make their marriage work.