“There was a time I believed in love. In marriage. In finding someone who loved me for who I am. I did find that person, or at least I thought I did. He dumped me the second I called him after I was gang raped. He said I was dirty and disgusting. How I got to move on from the incident, the words he said to me and the way I changed after was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done” Said Sweetie to me one day.
We were just having a conversation over breakfast and this popped out. I honestly did not know what to say. My mind was as black and blank as any clouded-up space and it was hard to hear her say those words to me because I am a woman and such things are very heart wrenching. I had to quickly pick my mouth up from the floor as I had not expected that to come up.
It was a cool, calm Wednesday as we were on holiday with Sweetie and her and I had grown close over the years because of natural hair and natural product vibes (fortunately, that’s how I roll, all things natural is just my thing). So anyway, we had woken up and she came to knock at my door for us to go together and have something to eat. It was a cold morning, with clear skies, so there was promise of some sun later.
As we waited on line, we started having a conversation about an oil that she had used on her face and it left her feeling smoother and brighter, so she would end up purchasing it when we came back home. I was excited that she loved it and thankfully it didn’t affect her skin. So, we got to the front of the lie and served our goods and then went to find space to sit.
“You know, this whole relationship stuff can be so complicated. Where does one even begin? Nowadays it’s like people are more in situationships than they are in real relationships. You know?”
“So, so true. It is sad that we are comfortable with that. I thought people would want more, but I was wrong. Anyway, there is something I want to tell you, and I don’t know where to begin, so please be patient with me.” Said Sweetie
After a while, she told me that she was gang raped once as she was heading home from college and she had been deflowered, since she hadn’t experienced sex before, so it was such a huge deal for her. At the time she was dating a guy who I think did not really understand what had happened to her. After a while, they broke up and she was single for some time before she decided to get back into the dating game.
“Wow Sweetie, I am so sorry. How did you cope? The guy you are dating now, does he know?”
“Yes, he does, and he isn’t judgmental. One thing I learnt is that I would never dim my light just because of a few dark clouds that engulfed me years ago and as such, I don’t hide my truth. I told him about what happened in explicit detail and he told me that he adored me even more. The best part was it wasn’t fake sympathy. You know the kind that folks give you after you just told them something dark that happened to you? His was unadulterated empathy. He didn’t see me as “strong” just because I went through an ordeal I didn’t deserve. He saw me as a woman who picked herself up and decided to choose herself even more after that dark day in July 2013. He’s walked the journey of healing with me, trust me; healing doesn’t come as a riddle wave for everyone, sometimes it comes in the form of ripples and he’s loved me more with each waking hour.”
Sweetie has been with this guy for more than a year, actually clocking 2 years in 3 months plus I’m positive that one day they will get married. She does deserve all the happiness in the world.
To all the girls who have been in this situation before, there is hope. There is love. It is not final yet. It will take time, but it won’ t be forever before you meet the one who will love, support and just be there for you. Don’t lose hope girl.
From me to you, Lots of Love! ❤