I have been looking for the best introduction to this next post for a while, and every time I write, I keep deleting it. I write and delete it. Write and delete. The post is in my mind, but the beginning just seems to disappear. This post is dedicated to all those who have some sort of feeling when it comes to marriage. I am a relationships blogger and let me add a disclaimer that I am not an expert. What I write is what is in my heart and I follow what my heart feels. So, let’s get into it. Shall we?
Marriage is a sacred thing. It is what God manufactured. He created it.
“What God has put together, let no man put asunder”
“And a man shall leave his mother’s and father’s home and be joined with his wife”
“Whoever finds a wife (I’m sure husbands have a say in this too) finds a good thing”.
Well, with all this, where did humanity go wrong? It seems that we forgot a few details here and there. And yes, we forgot God. Now, I am not trying to be all preachy, but stick with me I am going somewhere with this. With all that is happening around us, so many things have changed, and marriage seems to be taking a BIG blow.
With that said, I believe backgrounds tend to make one’s belief or lack thereof responsible for the decisions one makes. Marriage is a big step and it is something that should be enjoyed, as well as taken with all the seriousness it deserves. If someone comes from a background with violence, abuse, even divorce or separation, there is a way the brain is programmed to think that that is the normal way. To him or her that comes from a blissful home.
With that being said, there are many people who want to experience this God given right but are afraid because of the things they have seen and experienced in past relationships, whether it being their own or of someone they know. The theory is, “if it happened to them, perhaps it could happen to me, or maybe worse”.
My friend, Marion tends to share a lot of things with me and she allowed me to share her story. She is afraid of getting into relationships because she is afraid that the worst will happen. She comes from a broken home, with separated parents, who never see eye to eye and never seem to agree on anything. They fight all the time (yes, they still live together), and that has changed her perspective on all things relationships.
“You know what? I’d rather be a single mom, or just live a single life. Why does it have to be complicated? Relationships are not so hard, I mean if it has to be called quits, then quits it is.”
Marion was in a serious relationship once, almost eight years ago and it didn’t work. It was on and off and on and off until she called it quits because the man she was with just kept treating her badly, and that kind of reminded her of her dad. He was always lying, never there and when she decided enough was enough, she left.
“Am I such a horrible person that I attract men who behave exactly the way my father does?” She cried as she was telling me this one day.
“No, you’re not Marion. You must take a step back and get your power back. As girls, we all want someone who is like our dads, but if that can’t happen, then we must redefine what we want. Write down a list of the qualities you want in your man and see if that helps. Perhaps you can change that perspective from there.”
“I don’t want anymore bad relationships, but honestly if that doesn’t work, then I will kick relationships in its a$$ and go be a nun.”
That sounded funny, but for real though, Marion is one of the people who go through so much because they want so much in their relationships. Is it possible to “break that curse” of bad relationships or one should just hang in there?
Marion still hopes that one day Prince Charming will come to her rescue, and make her forget about all the trauma, bad experiences from her childhood and all other negativity. As for now, she is working on herself.