If I could, I would…

If I could, I would kiss you and never stop.

If I could, I would run away with you and never let go.

If I could I would marry you in a split of a second.

If I could, I would listen to the beat of your heart, as it beats to the sound of our love.

If I could, I would dance to the sound of music.

If I could, I would stare in your eyes all day.

If I could, I would hold your hand and ever let go.

If I could, I would love you for eternity.

If I could, I would get a tattoo of your name on my body.

If I could, I would call you, talk to you and never hang up.

If I could, I would get up and come to you.

If I could, I would laugh and smile because you bring joy.

If I could, I would cry tears of joy because you bring JOY!!

If I could, I would take your sadness away and give you lots and lots of happiness.

If I could, I would sing all the songs I know for you.

If I could, I would see you every single day of my life.

If I could, I would give you the earth, moon and the stars because you light up my life.

If I could, I would bring you breakfast in bed everyday.

If I could, I would put you in my pocket and carry you everywhere I go.

If I could, I would never argue with you, perhaps I’d let you win all arguments.

If I could, I would write you a letter every single day of the year.

If I could, I would charge and recharge you and ensure your energy never goes down.

If I could, I would never wish you away because you are my dream come true.

If I could, I would change your taste buds, so that you only taste the finer things in life.

If I could, I would give you a break so that you never get bored with me. ☺

If I could, I would ask you to put your hand on my shoulder, I feel safe that way.

If I could, I would tickle you and let you laugh out LOUD!!

If I could, I would get over my shyness and just tell you how I feel.

If I could, I would just let you be. Be you. Let you flourish and prosper.

If I could, I would. I just would.

Fatherhood is FUN!!!

Fatherhood is fun. Being a dad is so cool that sometimes I wish I was a dad. Have you ever seen how children interact with their fathers? Mums usually get so scared that the child might fall it break but somehow dads have very good intuition and timing.

Having a conversation the other day with a friend and we were in owe how some daddy figures we know sacrifice just to get home from work to spend time with their kids.

Someone once told me that 99.999999% of the time ‘mtoto ni wa mama’. But let’s face it. Wasn’t this child created by two people? Isn’t this child the responsibility of two people, namely mum and dad, woman and man? I just didn’t get it. I still don’t, because both mother and father play a BIG role in nurturing.

If the man isn’t taking part, what is he doing?

My take?

Men also want to learn how to be dads. We as women have to teach them sometimes, but we can also let them just learn. He will feel part of something. I know sometimes we tend to be over protective but let’s let dad be dad in his own way.

I loved it when my dad would throw me in the air and catch me. Well, mum would be mad but that is just his way. When I would sit on his foot and I would make him walk, those were precious moments. Memories like these are forever etched on a child’s mind.

It feels good when the father of a child just takes part. It relieves the pressure on the woman and also the man gets comfortable with it. To hear that a father wants to take part in bath time for his son or daughter is heart warming.

To see him leaving work early just to spend time, not because he is being forced to, but because he wants to, is pure bliss. Whether it’s the first born or tenth born. A father’s presence is relevant.

Perhaps these outstanding fathers should give us their secret. Perhaps even teach other men how not to shy away from nurturing their own flesh and blood. This perspective of women being the sole carers needs to change.

Happy(all rounded) child= Mum+Dad

Every night I pray and I ask God to give me a good man- A man who will not run away from me when circumstances are rough and tough, a man who loves kids, a man who will take part in my life and his kids life fully, a man who will cherish spending time with his family.

It is way past fathers day, but happy fathers’ month to all dads who make their families lives worth everything. We 💙you.

The “Art” of feeling unlucky

Have you ever felt like you have jinxed months? Do you believe in having jinxed months? This is my story….

When I joined the dating game, I was young, I was excited, heck I wanted to get married by the time I was 24. The dating game looked promising you know, so many fish in the sea, there was a wide selection to choose from.

But here is the thing, after tasting and sampling and making decisions here and there, there came a challenge. A challenge I learnt to deal with, a challenge that makes it seem as though I have jinxed months.

So for some reason January, February, March and April just don’t work out, have never worked out, I don’t know if they ever will. Was karma working against me? Yes she can be a b@#$& sometimes, but I doubt I have gone against her. She has always worked in my favour. Why work against me now? Why turn everything around and make it seem as though I am bad, like I don’t deserve happiness?

Funny thing is the year starts with lots of promise, good luck, because hey, you just want to start the year right. With positivity. And then that happens. It is such a bummer.

Have you ever felt like that? How did you handle it. And then why do guys sometimes just promise things and then just don’t fulfill? Because let’s face it. If you wanted to be in a relationship, you will be in it because we are still learning about each other. What are the reasons for running away?

So anyway, feeling like ‘bad luck’ is following you? I put it in quotes because it really isn’t bad luck. Maybe it is just not your time to be in a relationship. These take time, so you need to take time off too to re-think, re-strategize, re-love, re-appreciate yourself before allowing someone else to do that for you.

Xoxo

Somebody call 911!!!

Giving out my phone number to strangers is still an absurd affair to me. I still don’t understand how some people do it. There are those really brave enough to give their digits out. I was warned by my mother not to talk to strangers. Let’s just say I live by that to this day. Well, some say it is an avenue to find love, to make new (boy) friends, and you know all that.

Recently some guy stopped me in my tracks while taking a walk and he insisted on getting my name and number. Do I feel bad about lying? No. Would I do it again? Yes. For some reason I always use the name Grace. Grace is Gracious. Calm too perhaps? Grace sounds patient. My whole reason is just to stop the conversation from further going on.

Listening to some people’s stories and how they met is uber fantastic. When you think about it, it’s like being in a movie. One of my mates met her mate while in a bus. Yes she told him her (real) name, gave him her number and from there there was a bond.

Maybe I over think things sometimes. It is never that serious. Right? But how do you know if you’re giving your number to a serial killer? How do you know if your number will be transported o other links elsewhere? It is dangerous out there people.

Trusting really doesn’t come easy. It is such a process. Like you have to break into so many stone, bricked walls. And still by the time the barrier is broken there is still cement lingering that has to be chipped up.

Don’t get me wrong. I can make friends very easily but there is some sort of roadblock when it comes to guys. Do some of you girls get like that? Do you easily trust?

Being over protective of me is what works best. You know after so many let downs why would I want to throw myself in the deep end again?

Giving out a number means no harm but if there are trust issues then there is no need. Politely decline. If you don’t mind sharing your contact, go ahead. You never know what the other side has for you. Luck may be knocking on your door.

My Fears

I can feel her slowly slipping away.
Her love being eroded.
Perhaps it is all in my head but my turmoil is real.
Her coldness makes me shiver from miles away,
Shiver out of fear, out of the unknown.
Like an earthquake ripping apart the ground beneath my feet.
Like a dream where one falls into an endless pit.

But what can I do?
I am helpless against my fate.
I am being led by a cruel master named heart.
Bound in fetters of love.
I cant free myself.
There is no escape.

I truly hope this turbulence will pass.
I hope our plane is strong enough to survive.
I hope we put the right metal to make it strong.
I hope that now she’ll recall those moments we locked eyes in laughter.
I hope that now she’ll feel the warmth of resting on my chest.
I hope that now she’ll hear the echo of my melodic voice sing.
I hope that now she’ll taste my lips.
I hope that soon her sweet scent will intoxicate me as we embrace.
I hope that soon the night will end and the sun will shine.

Poem credits: Adiel Kilonzi

R for Rejection

Let’s be honest here. We do not like to experience rejection. This nine letter word can and has caused so much pain to so many of us. Whether it was a rejection in love or a NO that came out of an interview. It is hard to come to terms with the word NO. Why would one say No to you? Like what are the qualifications for one not to get rejected? Is there a manual one has to go through in order not to experience rejection?

So I have been budged a million times by friends to come clean and like tell a guy I like that I like them. Ok. That now is crossing a boundary. Why should I have to be the one to start that conversation? I tend to feel like it is demeaning. I mean kudos to all the women who got guts. Me and my introverted self should go lock ourselves I the bathroom and have a conversation.

I have (in the past) honestly honestly tried to talk my feelings out, but in the end there is usually no positive outcome. I always wonder why I should put myself out there. Comfort zone is so comfortable. Comfort is good. There is no disturbance, there is so much peace. Besides there is no turbulence shaking of the sea. I want to remain calm.

That’s the thing. My friends hate calmness. They want to always intervene and cause a stir. Thank you ladies for always lending a helping hand, but we(me, myself and I), want to be chased. Is that so bad to ask for? Just for once? Yes I agree it might take longer because after all the guy is the one supposed to be doing the chasing, not me(the girl).

How many rounds of rejection should one go through in order to give up? For me, it only took two tries. No thank you. No more heart breaks and letters of rejection. Yes they guy “ingiad box”, but not for to long. Oh yes then once someone said he would want to avoid me because ” I do things to him”. He was avoiding having to like me back. Ok… Scratching my head.

With these two incidences I learnt my lesson that I can’t put myself out there. Out there belongs to the brave, the strong and those who are not afraid.

I know men also fear rejection, but I feel like a woman takes it harder as compared to a guy. After all there are plenty more fish in the sea. Right? So let’s keep fishing.

Maybe I should write a book titled “how to reject rejection”, perhaps then I will have figured out the perfect art of accepting and refusing rejection. If not learn to deal with it.

For now let me climb back into my safety net.

Sacrifices of love

“I am done. I will not keep carrying people on my back. People who don’t appreciate what I do for them. Like I am tired. ” My friend said to me as she called me crying on the phone.

I have known her for ten plus years and she is such a joyful soul. She is one of those people whose laughters are so addictive. She laughs while crying(just like me). She is the kindest, most loving person I know.

To hear her in such a position of hopelessness, place of defeat, broke my heart. She is a mother of one and when I heard that she wanted to give up made me feel so bad. No. She wasn’t thinking of taking her life. She was thinking of leaving her matrimonial home. She was the epitome of strength between me and her. I usually give up so easily and when I do, she lifts me up. This time around I had to be there for her.

“So what has happened?”

“It is this guy. He hasn’t been home since Friday morning. He went to work and he hasn’t called me yet to say anything, yet I am here waiting for him to come home. His phone is off so I can’t even reach him.”

“Are you and little Miss OK?”

” We are but it seems like he doesn’t care about us. What do I do?”

When faced with such a scenario, how would you advice? This is someone you have known for so many years and her happiness is as much yours. I actually think we were meant to be sisters.

I told her that she could go back home and when the guy was serious and if he knew what to do he would chase her. After all he says he loves her. I didn’t want to come in between but when she hurts I hurt. I would want her to be happy and if she wasn’t then I was going to help her, give her a solution maybe.

It was practical for her to go home. If he was serious he would definitely go home and ask her mother to release her so that they can go home and continue their life together.

I believe if a man wants you he will go to all corners of the earth to get you. Not try. He will get you.

My lesson has been to give up and just let by gones be by gones. After all if the relationship fails then that’s it. Whats the use in fighting for it? Would it make sense? Well, my friend mist have been ready to fight for hers.

After a while she calmed down and she decided to go back home. She was at peace and she could think straight. She loved him. She wanted things to work out. I bet she couldn’t imagine her life without him.

She got a well deserved break. We(me, myself and I) couldn’t allow her to give up on life. She didn’t have to “carry” everyone on her back. Besides she has issues of her own to deal with. So does everyone else.

Being a woman sometimes we are expected to “carry” the whole world. When will we think about ourselves and “carry” ourselves? People need to understand that we too need a shoulder to lean on. I need my man to understand me. Yes sometimes we will be indifferent, agree to disagree. It shouldn’t have to get to the point of giving up but what if you aren’t ready to fight?

Well, did she give him another chance? Yes. Are they living happily ever after? They are working on it.

Showering Babies

Baby showers are a time for love, laugh and good times with the mother to be, gifting them and showing them that they are valued. I am having a thing for mothers of late. Crushing on them perhaps? Or maybe my ovaries are doing a dance or five.

Anyway so since the year began I have attended three showers, with the fourth being yesterday. Yes, I agree I am growing old because most, if not all my friends are mums. Where does the time go?

So we had the pleasure of surprising a mum to be on Saturday and boy was she surprised. Of course she didn’t expect it. I tell you the lies we cook up to ensure everything works out according to plan…. (she was lied to that she was going to attend a wedding). Yes she fell for it and the look on her face was priceless.

It is an emotional, confusing one minute of the mother to be’s life. She couldn’t believe she had been tricked into “going for a wedding”. After recovering from shock she came into the house and we continued having a good time as we ate and chatted swiftly.

Having friends and family around you during the most important time of your life is just so precious, it makes life worth living. Imagine not having friends to celebrate and cheer you on as you move into the next milestone of your life. How would you feel? Would you have the energy to keep keeping on?

Seeing that I also attend lots of these showers, I usually get asked why I am not on the path to ” getting my own”. You know what? Sometimes it is never that serious and when the time is right, everything else will just work it self out, and I’m sure I will have people around me to cheer me on on my journey. On a lighter note, if you want a professional baby shower attendee on your list, you know who to call. Oh plus organizer of games? You got that right. Hit me up.☺

Children are a source of joy. They seem to always make things better. When you’re sad, they bring joy. When you feel exhausted, they just have a way of lifting your spirits up. Whenever I see a child, they just make my day. The day I will get my own, I will cherish every moment.💜

I’m just so excited for Milka and her future bundle of joy. I pray God will bless you and enable you to take care of your treasure. It will not be easy but with His help you will make it. You’ll be just fine.

I just remembered that as we were introducing ourselves at the party, I said I would want to be a mum of twins. Amen?

What do you think about motherhood? Do you want to be a mum someday? Are you a mum? Are you still thinking about it? Share your thoughts.

Xoxo

Show Me

I want you to show me who you are, so that I know you.

Show me God, that I may be thankful to Him for you.

Show me what you like so I can get it for you.

Show me what you see so I can be your eyes.

Please show me what you feel so that I can sense it for you

Show me you care because I care for you too.

Show me how deep and wide you can go because I can do the same for you.

Show me you weakness and I will be your strength.

Show me your scars and I will protect you.

Show me your vulnerability and I will take care of you.

If you show me your gentleness I will cherish it.

Show me your kindness and I will in turn be kind.

Show me the deepest part of you and your secret Willy be safe with me.

Show me your smile and it will melt away my pain.

Show me your tears and I will wipe them away.

Show me truth and I will not lie to you.

Show me humbleness and I will treat you like a King.

Show me anger and I will cool it down with my caresses.

Show me life and I will show you what living is like.

Show me your imperfection and we will be imperfect together.

Yes show me your belief and we will believe together.

Show me the way and we will follow it together.

Show me the door and I will open it for you.

Show me the air, and I will breathe it for you.

Show me adventure, we could explore together.

Show me fun… we could be funny together.

Oh yes show me space that I may not intrude.

Show me peace, that we may be calm.

Show me joy in abundance that we may always be joyful.

Show me love and I will love you.

Show me you, all of you so that I may cherish every moment, every step, every time spent.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Single motherhood

Mums are so special. Where would we be without them? I mean they are the epitome of life. They are the ones who gave us our first breaths. Mums deserve all the respect they can get. If there was one word to describe a mother it would be heroic. They never complain about anything, they love unconditionally, they just never tire.

So I really feel the need to focus my talk on single mothers because they can be taken for granted sometimes. Wait. Not sometimes. All the time. I feel like they are not shown enough love, it’s like as long as they are the only ones taking care of their kids they don’t need credit but honey, they do. They are still the epitome of life.

Having so many single mummy friends breaks my heart. Where are the fathers to these children? Why aren’t they taking responsibility for their actions? Besides the babies were not created by just one person. Right? Men need to stand up and take responsibility too. We are done with having dead beat dads on our streets. No more sperm donors.

“When I met Michael, he was such a charming man. He was ready to have a family. We even had a formal introduction on both sides and I knew we would get married soon”, said Connie, one of my single mummy friends.

“So what happened? I thought you guys were the perfect couple, with everything on point, preparation and stuff”.

“Well, he decided at the last minute that he wanted nothing to do with us, my son and me after all we had been through. He asked me to move on and move on I did. It was not an easy time for us but what else could we have done?”

Connie is a very strong independent lady but the thought of her son not having a dad was traumatizing. I couldn’t even imagine her son JB growing up without a father. What makes a man decide not to be a part of his son’s or daughter’s life? Is that even fair? What thought process makes a guy decide to just up and leave?

Having an absentee parent can be hard on a child, especially if the parent leaves and there isn’t no contact or communication after leaving. It’s like telling the child that you really don’t give a damn about him or her and that whatever happens in his or her life is just petty for you.

“I got used to it after a while, and JB is doing just fine.”

“Would you give him (Michael) another chance if he was to come back?”

“I am doing just fine, I don’t need him. I have my family with me and that is all that matters.”

“Would you ‘hide’ JB from him?”

“That is up to JB. Whatever he wants I will respect his decision. After all, it’s his father.”

I am just wowed by Connie’s courage. She deserved better. Being a single mum is not easy. I just wish men out there would take their responsibility, get their shit together and get their life and families in check. When JB grows up, what will he think of his dad? Will he want him present and active in his life? Will he allow him to take part and endure him in every space of his being?

It is just so heartbreaking and I really pray that the men of this generation will change. We need to see more men being active, not running away. We need mature, responsible, grown up men to stand up and say NO to women taking care of bundles of joy by themselves.

Salute to all single mothers. Y’all do a fantastic job. If no one has told you, now you know. ❤️

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